


Thistle And Weeds

by Camerahead12



Series: Angstober2020 [23]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe- No Supernatural, Angst, Destiel Promptober 2020 (Supernatural), Drug Addiction, Drug Withdrawal, Drugs, Human Castiel (Supernatural), Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-24
Updated: 2020-10-24
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:01:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27180808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Camerahead12/pseuds/Camerahead12
Summary: Day Twenty-Three; Back Rubs
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Series: Angstober2020 [23]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1950358
Comments: 4
Kudos: 25
Collections: Destiel Promptober 2020





	Thistle And Weeds

Dean walks into the house, tossing his keys in the bowl they had by the door. He toes off his shoes debating whether or not he should peel off his grease stained shirt when he hears a far too familiar noise coming from down the hall.

“Shit,” he whispers, taking in a deep and letting it out slowly. He runs a hand through his hair, grimacing halfway through when he realizes they’re still covered in oil and dirt.

He walks towards the stairs, climbing up them slowly when he hears the sound again. “Cas?” He calls as he reaches the top step knowing calling out is falling on deaf ears anyway.

Pushing open their half closed bedroom door Dean sees it’s dark, but the door to their master bathroom is open, light shining from there, illuminating their room just enough Dean can see. He hears a pained groan and a thud before the sound of retching reaches his ears again. Taking in another deep breath, Dean straightens his back and heads to the bathroom.

Castiel’s arms are crossed in front of him over the opening of the toilet. His pale face rests on them, and if it wasn’t for the barely there rise and fall of his chest, Dean would think he wasn’t breathing at all. Dean glances around the bathroom before they see what they’re looking for.

Despite how many times they’ve done this song and dance Dean’s anger still boils to the surface quickly. He’s torn between wants to lift Castiel up and shake him, screaming at him for being so stupid. The other half wants to just walk out of the house, get back into his car and just drive away from this fucking mess. Either one has only ever ended badly. The latter ended up with a phone call from a hospital since he was still Cas’ emergency contact.

Instead, Dean steps around Castiel, walking over to the syringe, spoon and belt scattered across the floor. He picks them up from the floor, careful not to touch the needle, grateful at least that some of the poison is still left in the plunger.

“You stupid idiot,” he murmurs to himself walking over to the trash can and throwing everything in there.

His anger begins to break off into bits of sadness, hurt and betrayal. Swallowing down the lump in his throat, he turns back to Castiel who seems to be more or less passed out, head dangerously lolling to falling in the bowl.

Kneeling down beside him, Dean bites the inside of his cheek debating how to go about seeing how bad it really is. The very strong urge to just walk out and drive away feels stronger than it ever has before. Dean tries to remember what Pamela said about Castiel slipping again. It’s common, addicts going back to the same habit to kill their pain, but Castiel had promised. Sighing, Dean remembers what Pamela kept saying about addicts and their promises too.

_“I’m going to be honest with you, Dean,” she said laying her notebook on her knees and leaning forward. Her no nonsense stare bore into him meaning she wasn’t going to beat around the bush with him. To be fair, he told her from the start not to bullshit with him. He didn’t want the watered down version of everything. If Cas was serious about getting clean, he wanted to know anything and everything to expect. He wanted to be there for him in any and every way he could. “Addicts are always going to feel that nudge to use again. Some more than others. Something could trigger him; maybe a fight, a rough day at work, or something as simple as seeing someone using on a movie. The triggers are different for everyone. It’s not going to be an easy ride. He’s going to mess up. He’s going to slip again, and that’s just a fact.”_

_She sits back up, giving him a little smile. “If you’re serious about sticking this out with him, you just need to know it’s not going to be a walk in the park. It’s not like the movies where true love comes in and saves him from all his sins. This is real and it’s a damn nightmare. Right now Castiel is in hell. The amount of heroine he had in his system… I’m damn surprised they were able to bring him back. The withdrawals are the worst part. Like I tell everyone, though, if you can make it through this, you can get clean.”_

_“He’s going to need a lot of help,” she continues. “A lot of checks, a routine set in place and support with going to meetings and anything else he might need.” Pamela gives him a sad smile. “Your relationship is going to be one of the biggest help for him, and the most important thing you can do for him is to keep it normal. Don’t walk on eggshells around him, afraid to disagree with anything afraid he’s going to run back to the drugs. You are both human and keeping it as normal as possible is what is important. With boundaries, of course. A better understanding on what is going.”_

_“But you need to realize what you’re taking on by staying with Castiel. I’m going to be honest with you, Dean. I’ve seen the other halves walk away because they couldn’t do it,” she leans forward and touches his hand. “There’s no shame in it. Only we know what we can handle. It’s better to just cut the cord now while he’s in detox where we can watch him than when trying to continue to build a life – a new life – after he’s back home. No one is going to think any less of you if you can’t do this. It is going to be a lifelong struggle and things will not be pretty for a very long time.”_

_Dean didn’t even hesitate his response. Just remembering when he answered the phone and hearing the doctor tell him Castiel was in the emergency room, found without a heartbeat, overdosed in the drivers side of his car… he couldn’t ever lose him. “He’s it for me. I’m not going to make the same mistake again. I can’t leave him.”_

Dean reaches out his shaking hand to the small of Cas’ back, grimacing against how wet the back of shirt was with sweat, he gently starts rubbing small circles. “Cas?” He whispers, gripping his shoulder and shaking him slightly. “Cas, babe, you gotta wake up.”

Castiel remains motionless and quiet, his breathing not even changing. Dean bites the inside of his cheek hard as tears suddenly start stinging his eyes. “C’mon Cas, please,” he begs shaking him a little harder. “Open your eyes, say something – anything!”

Castiel doesn’t even twitch.

The last thing Dean wants to do is call an ambulance, but his skin is starting to look more like ash by the second. He squeezes his eyes tight in frustration, anger and other emotions too jumbled and mixed together to tell apart. His hand never strays from Castiel’s back, rubbing in calming, gentle circles.

Dean shakily grabs his phone from his pocket, fumbling unlocking it before he slowly presses out those three numbers, praying Castiel shows some sign of life so he doesn’t have to do this.

“Nine-one-one, what’s your emergency?” A calm female voice says over the line.

Dean takes a shaky breath, leaning his head back against the vanity as more tears spill out from the sides of his eyes. “My boyfriend…He’s not responding. I think he overdosed.”

The responder starts rattling off question after question, assuring him help is on the way. The whole time Dean just sits there numbly, rubbing Castiel’s back, praying to some God he stopped believing in a long time ago, for strength to get through this. Praying for Castiel to forgive him. Praying for this to be the last time.

**Author's Note:**

> Come scream at me in the comments! Kudos make me feel all tingly inside. ^_^


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